Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
