I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
