I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
