if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
