so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
