I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
