Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I need to calm my uterus...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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