So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
