i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
