i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
