Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
