You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
