The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
