Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
