is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Can I color on your dick again?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
