I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
