I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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