Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
