some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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