I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
