we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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