Your mouth is God's brothel.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
The best revenge is premature balding
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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