he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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