I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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