i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
