did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
