Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Randomize
