he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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