I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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