he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize