I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
