So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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