i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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