I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
