OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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