I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
