if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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