sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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