Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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