Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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