she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
