No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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