I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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