He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
