Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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