His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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