Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
