Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize