So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
