I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
