If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
whose parrot is this?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
