All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
