We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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