I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
