so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
