we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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