fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
