even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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