I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
