JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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