Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
