her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
