the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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