As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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