scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
