i was born a porn star she said
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
