For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
