Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
