Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
