I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize