mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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