Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
