is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
