I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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