why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
